I miss you so much!
I’ve missed you every single day for the last ten years. Every. Single. Day.
That makes 3, 654 days of missing you.
As your little sister and brother are peacefully asleep next door, I sit here, crying my eyes out. Because there’s this huge hole in this mother’s heart of mine. And it will stay there until the day I die and meet you again.
One of the greatest gifts you gave to your dad, to me and to your siblings is our stark longing for eternity. We all live our lives knowing we will see you again. I cannot fathom how a bereaved parent can live without this hope giving perspective. It’s like a thin silver shimmering veil that separates us from you, beloved Julius Felix.
As I’m looking at pictures we took when you were born I see so much of your sister and brother in your beautiful perfect face. I wonder how you look like today. One thing I’m pretty sure of for some reason is that your hair is just as long as your little brother’s.
We will let our balloons rise to heaven again today. Paired with tears and this deep longing of being able to see you, hold you, hug you for the longest time. Soon, my love, soon. You know that your mom and dad and sister and brother love you to pieces. And you know that for us to live is Christ and to die is gain. We will diligently serve our Jesus on this earth until He calls us home.
May we always, always live our lives in light of eternity. May this be the perspective that determines our every thought, word and action.
Julius Felix, I love you forever. Happy Birthday, my firstborn son.
Love, your mom.